Learning to Be Loved

Last night, I was part of a wonderful conversation about vocational discernment, led by Grant Swanson of Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary. Now, honestly, I'm at a point where I can really get into talking about vocational discernment because I am at a good place right now. Working in campus ministry has been a goal for a long time and, while I am certainly by no means perfect at what I do, I feel like I am in a place where God has been calling me to be for a long time. It is amazing to feel this way! For years, though, I knew the frustration and pain of feeling like I kind of knew where God wanted me to be, but I didn't have any idea how I would ever get there. Suffice it to say, I know the joy and trial that vocational discernment can be!

We worked on 4 different questions during this conversation, and the first one was to determine a 6-word personal mission statement. If you know much about me, you know that I have a B.A. and an M.A. in English, and that I rarely ever say things in as few words as possible! Telling the "short version" of a story is a pretty foreign concept to me! How can I say anything in only 6 words???? Well, I did, though. I did what I was told to do (because I am also a rule follower), and this is what I came up with: "Learning to be loved by God." It seems kind of incomplete--because 6 words is not a lot of words!--but it is also a truth that I've been working on for some time. It probably sounds weird: how does someone learn to be loved by someone else?? It seems kind of like a basic recognition that I am missing: why can't this person who espouses God's love for all people just know that she is also loved by God? Well, I'd rather not get into all of the answers to that question right now. If you read very far down this blog, you'll probably find some answers. What I want to say is that I think this has always been one of my greatest challenges, and right now, when everything has been turned upside-down, it's even more essential. I cannot do everything I would normally do. There are days I feel like I am failing at both paid jobs I have and all the other "jobs" I try to do on a daily basis right now. And when I get that way, everything feels like it's going to fall apart and maybe I am just a waste of space. So, from here on out, now that I have identified this mission statement, I'm going to pursue it with all I am. I may never be perfect at anything, but maybe I can stop trying for that and start living more like I'm loved. After all, learning how deeply one is loved loved may just be a key to learning to love others more deeply.